Confidence

Parenting is turning out to be a rewarding, but pretty difficult gig. For me, it's become a relentless stream of choices (usually made very quickly) that impact other choices later on. For example: If I let Reid have Fruit Loops for breakfast (as he's holding them in his hand), will it be a constant battle of sugary cereal? Is it easier in the long-run to say no now than have it be a constant battle? I find myself daily having to make a quick decision and hope it doesn't come back to bite in the future.

Having girls has made me much more reflective in my parenting choices. What I've learned so far about boys is that they are less emotional and hard on themselves than girls. I think about how to raise confident, God-loving children and worry most about my little girlies. Especially having twin girls. Will the sun rise and set on how someone feels about them? Will they compare each other and feel good or bad about themselves based on that comparison? How do they become confident individuals, proud of their uniqueness and also proud and happy for each other? You may think this seems silly to be pondering all of this now but as I can see it, Avery is turning out to be a physical clone of her brother. She's right up there on the growth chart. Where as Morgan is this tiny, compact little thing that I'm sure will be the little "peanut" for a long time. If this size contrast remains, I can see it potentially being a problem in their future (Morgan may be doomed for a life time of hand-me-downs).

I've recently read a few articles on confidence. This one in particular really summarized how I've been feeling about parenting for confident children.

"The subject of self-esteem is a topic that has generated a fair amount of controversy over the last few decades, but one thing seems clear: you don’t get healthy self-esteem from constantly telling yourself how great you are, or even from other people telling you how great you are. You get healthy self-esteem from behaving in ways that you find estimable.

In other words, the best way to feel better about yourself is to do something worthy of your own respect: keep a difficult resolution, meet a challenge, solve a problem, learn a skill, cross something unpleasant off your to-do list. And one of the best ways to feel better about yourself is to help someone else -- do good, feel good."-Gretchen Ruben

As a teacher, I have seen many young children enter my classroom. Some come barging in, others cry at the door. One thing I always noticed (I taught grade three), was the parent who (with many good intentions) walked their child to the classroom door each day, put loving notes in their lunches and agendas, met them at the door after school and were peeking through the window at any opportunity usually had the child who was not a risk-taker, had trouble making decisions, needed a lot of attention, was a bit inflexible, etc. Before reading this article, I never really made that connection to how it may have been a confidence issue. By grade three, I think it is fair to expect your child to be able to get out of the car and enter the class independently. When you allow your child to do those things, their confidence in their own ability increases. It's not just enough to tell your child you think they are great. You have to let them discover their own greatness.

Another awesome post I read was here. Please go and read the whole post. You won't regret it. My favorite part was this:

"And I thought, NAH, there is no grief here. There is comfort, there is astonishment, there is a mental reminder to bring a towel to the park next time. But she let go, she ran forward, she did not look back. In that moment, she did not need me.

But there is no grief here. There is only the whisper of a mother’s heart. A whisper that says RUN, sweet child of mine. Run."

-Becoming Sarah

We sent Reid out to my sister's farm for his second sleep over. He went for two nights in July and I cried when he left. He did great. Sending him this time I thought would be easier but it wasn't. When my brother-in-law pulled up on the driveway to take him I wanted desperately to say, "you know what, it's okay, let's keep him here". But I bit my tongue. It's not about me, it's about him and letting him sprout wings. I pray that this will help him become a confident young man.

In the mean time, I'll try to enjoy my (too) quiet house.